…I’d totally fuck the shit out of other bears before I had to hibernate.  The entire winter season without bear pussy?  Are you serious?  Fuck that shit.  I’d probably get up late at night, dead of winter, roll into another cave and surprise sex a hibernating piece of bear ass, no matter how many pounds she packed on.

Sure, I might have 2 or 3 dozen illegitimate bear cubs floating around, but who cares?  They’re fucking bears man, they’ll survive.  What animal is going to fuck with a hairy, growling beast of the land?   HOLY SHIT!! HONEY!!!!!

If I were an astronaut, I’d take a runny shit in space…then I’d push another astronaut through it.  Hilarity would ensue.

If I were President of the United States, the first thing I would do is kill anyone who is dumber than average. Everyone would be required to take a yearly aptitude test. Those who scored lower than the average of the cumulative scores, shall be marched immediately into the Superdome to where they will face a series of trivia and intellectual questions in a life or death situation. If the contestant failed, they would be immediately compromised, so gory that the entrails will paint the next contestant in line striking enough fear to help them gain the intelligence required to live.

I think that would be fair, don’t you? Oh yeah, if that’s not bad enough, it’ll be televised and live, no editing. Nationwide, all stations. All ticket sales and advertising proceeds will go towards education, persuading the American people to view the events for fear that their children may be next and they need all the educational help they can get.

I’d make an awesome President.