As if I’m the only person to notice this.  But guys, I figured out our snoring problem.  Lay on your back, do it right now.  Notice where your dick is.  Yeah, that’s right, your twigglies and gigglies are laying directly in the way of your asshole.  How strange is that? 

Now lay on your stomach.  Notice the winning lotto numbers don’t fall anywhere near the jackpot?  Also notice that you NEVER snore in that position?

The simple math is simple.  SIMPLE.  Your asshole is a vent for excess air.  Obviously when it’s plugged or blocked by your manliness, it forces a discharge to erupt from your mouth with every breath.  It’s science and as we all know, science is important stuff. 

So I challenge you fellas, if anyone is complaining about your snoring, take the test.  Before you go to bed next, take some duct tape and tape your giggle berries away from your brown eye, see if it stops the snoring.  Either that or smack the bitch and tell her to stfu or gtfo.

So today I sat here making random thoughts at myself, nit-picking about my writing and what I should do with it, when I thought to myself, “You could always go see the worst movie release each Friday and criticize it.”  Ok, that’s a lie, that idea only spawned after I was searching through my movie list trying to find something to watch.  I was stopped at Swordfish for a moment but I soon gave up on that adventure.  I think the only reason I wanted to watch Swordfish is because I haven’t seen Halle Berry naked in some time.

Which brings me to another point.  Swordfish kind of sucked.  And by kind of, I mean it had a boring plot, shitty story and involved a guy doing everything I pretty much do right now: typing on a fucking keyboard.  The movie also included a plethora of gunfire, explosions and villainy, which I don’t know where else I could find such things.(Die Hard I, Die Hard II, Die Hard III, Die Hard IV, Lethal Wea…)

So anyways, I am going to try this.  I’ll go to the movies on Friday nights(permitted I have enough cash to support the film industry to continue making sequel after sequel, never spawning new and more creative ideas, just continuing the same boring sagas with the same punch lines over and over and over and over and over again.), then I’ll come home and tell you how bad the movie sucked, or didn’t, depending on my professional(yes I have been drafted into the Pro Movie Watching League) opinion.  This might be entertaining for all, considering how critical I can be of, well, pretty much everything.

Some more random thoughts that have entered my brain include me needed to have a Q & A section on my blog.  Somewhere where you, the readers(lurking whores), can anonymously, or not anon, ask me questions about anything and I, the writer(sexy piece of man ass), will answer with my own little comedic finesse.  On top of that, I’m still working on site design/features and trying to come up with a clever way of teaching some of you how to work the reader features of the site, such as posting comments.  There’s been a lot of complaints that people do not know how to write a comment to me, which I don’t understand how this is difficult, but it apparently is.  Click comments.  Leave comments.  Done.

Finally, I’m working on an audioblog, maybe to turn into a weekly piece, not sure yet.  I’ve been trying a few formats out and playing with a couple of odd things, trying to get a feel for it.  But the biggest problem seems to be me actually talking.  I get that, “you should do radio, you have a voice for it.” from a lot of people, but when it comes down to talking about something by myself, I lose interest and lack of creativity.  No clue why, it’s not like I have a problem rambling in the shower or while I’m driving.  *sigh*

Seriously.

Thanks Dale.

Update: Fucking idiots, click the damned picture to see it in full.

I know it’s the political season and the only fun thing to do right now is to make the what seems to be extremely broad selection(of course by that I mean the 2 fucking candidates because our country is filled with pussies who don’t want the responsibility) of candidates look like idiots, pervs and poor choices. But no, today I won’t do that. Today, I shall talk about the economy. Go stock market, go!

Ok, this isn’t a market cry, I could fucking care less. Hell, the market falling is great news for me, I’m the little, unemployed guy who doesn’t have millions invested in “prospects”. Seriously, the stock market is no different than idiots buying in-game items for World of Warcraft, minus that whole billions of dollars to be “earned” thing. But people are just spending their money, hard-earned or not, on hopes that the economy will continue to boost their bankrolls into overnight success status.

But the thing I care most about, as a local basement-bum, is, are and am(I think), the gas prices. Gas prices are falling! And you can goddamned well bet your life on it that I will be putting another 10gallons in my already uber-fuel efficient piece of shit Geo Prizm, for the low, low price of $2.99/gal. *snort* Of course, that can be compared to the $3.99/gal it was last summer(overpaid, greedy, corporate assholes. let’s make another 10 billion this year, shall we? seriously, wtf are you going to do with 120billion that you can’t do with 110? unless you’re buying small arms in mass quantities, nukes, Montana, balancing the fucking budget or betting big in a game of no-limit hold’em, you’ve acquired nothing but a digit.).

I care so much that I let my unbelievable math skills take over and do the research while reading some very interesting news via the Associated Press.

NEW YORK (AP) — Oil prices dipped below $75 a barrel Wednesday, a new 13-month low, as OPEC reduced its 2009 petroleum demand forecast amid signs that the global economy is headed for a severe downturn.

Light, sweet crude for November delivery fell $2.95 to $75.68 a barrel on the New York Mercantile Exchange after earlier sliding to $74.57, the lowest trading level since Sept. 5, 2007.

Oil prices have now plummeted 48 percent since peaking at $147.27 on July 11.

The stunning collapse has sent pump prices tumbling. A gallon of regular gas fell nearly 4 cents overnight to a new national average of $3.125, according to auto club AAA, the Oil Price Information Service and Wright Express. That left prices nearly 10 percent lower from where they were only a week ago and almost 25 percent down from their all-time high of $4.114 set July 17.

Hold it right fucking there, I didn’t even need to use my math, the fucking Journalists did it for me. Only problem is, too many Americans are too fucking stupid and ignorant to understand how bad they’re being fucked in the ass. Let me enlighten you.

Last July, the prices per barrel were $147.27, so let’s say $150 for easy math readers. Right now, they are $75 per barrel. That’s HALF the fucking price. 50% difference. Still with me? At the same time, when the prices were at “$150″, once again for the sake of easy math, the “at-the-pump” prices were $4.00(we’re still rounding, this makes it easy to explain. shut up, I won’t go back and explain this twice.). Now, currently, when the barrels are at half price, or $75 per barrel, the “at-the-pump” prices are $3.00. That’s only a 25% drop in price there. 25% drop at the pump, but 50% at the barrel. Anyone having problems not finding enough lube?  Safesense.com is having a sale, if you need some.

Now, back on track with my astonishing math skills.  There are 42 gallons in a barrel. At $150/barrel, it would cost $3.57/gallon roughly. At $75/barrel, the cost should be right around $1.785. Why are the pumps still at $3.00? That’s an awful lot of markup by the gas companies, don’t you think? Sure it’s a slow season, but how fucking slow is it? 41% markup is an awful lot in comparison to the 11% that it used to be.

So if things follow through, gas prices plane off, will we see 60%-70% markup come tourist season? I’m sure that fishermen, vacationers, businessmen and so on, really appreciated being anally tooled by the inflation of summer gas prices. Don’t give me that supply and demand bullshit either, because I have never once demanded that another male molest me with 7 inches of trouser snake while I’m busy visiting my family.

I for one am tired of the billion dollar corporations taking huge profit margins, always trying to better last year’s projection. Ok ok, I understand you want to do better and get bigger, but IT’S FUCKING FUEL! Has fuel really changed that much in the last 75 years? Fuck, ok, maybe some oxygen and chemicals have been added and filtered, but there’s still a major profit to be made, why not take it the fuck easy for a while so the rest of us can afford to fucking buy a fucking pack of gum. That’s another thing, why does gum cost so fucking much? What happened to the .25 packages?