I’m still alive. No iPods for any of you. So you can all just take a headfirst dive off your fucking high towers. Assholes.

Updates tomorrow, maybe.

Due to a scheduling issue, I am unable to finish the Ellen blog today…It’ll be a couple days before I return.  If I die due to some strange incident involving a slip of a scalpel and my jugular, I endorse this blog as a standing will and all of you who have commented on my blog shall receive a free iPod, paid for by my settlement for the accident.

Adios assholes.

This doesn’t happen too often, but let me say something sincere before I get on with bashing Ellen, I don’t hate you.  I don’t hate you because you’re gay, lesbian, transsexual, it doesn’t matter.  I hate you because of the way you act about it.

I’m a fucking fair guy and I’ve been getting a lot of emails from many people expressing how they’re upset at my “gay bashing”.  Read what I’m saying, not just what you want to hear.  I have gay friends, I have gay relatives, I know gay people, I like them.  Thing things I don’t like is when people are showing off.  Running around holding banners and wearing costumes is no different than me standing in front of a homeless guy burning $20 bills.  If I did that, I’d expect that homeless guy to get up and attempt to take my life, then my wallet…and maybe my lighter for later.

Just quit with the parades and all that jazz.  If you come out, you come out.  Good for you, go find a dick to suck or a twat to lick, just don’t post fliers about it.

And don’t email me with all this shit telling me how heartless I am.  If I were truly heartless I wouldn’t have held back so much on the last blog about gay parades.  Sure I said faggot, peter-puffer, maybe even chocolate speedway freak, but I didn’t say being those things was bad.

And for the record, if you’re going to complain about people using the term, “Oh that’s so gay.”  You’d probably be better off not referring to yourself as gay but as a homosexual.  Gay is a drifted word from one vocabulary to the next, it’s gone from happy to homosexual.  Just roll with me here so I don’t have to get upset.

Ellen blog in a few.

P.s. Queers, can I call you queers?  Uhhhh, I know you all love Ellen and all, but fuck off, I’m allowed to blog at her because she’s a pretentious bitch.  And she dances funny.

P.s.s Did anyone else notice I said but fuck?  Kinda like buttfuck.  Get it?  Seriously people, I did it for the buttfuckers.  GET THE FUCKING JOKE OR GET THE FUCK OUT!

I hate Britney, I really do. I don’t want to express my hatred for my keyboard can’t handle the abuse.

But, due to some late night msn action, my favorite Laotian-Canadian decided to show me a video. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or send this guy a box of kibble. I’m…ish, I have no idea. The voice is a combo between Joan Cusack and Master Billy Quizboy from the Venture Bros. I’m so confused.