For the record, I’m part of the master race.   I’m that fucking awesome.

It took me a while to come to this conclusion, but after observing how fucking stupid the rest of you butt-loving shitheads are, it became perfectly clear. Yes, you, all of you, humans, the general public and the mexicans, are dumb as fuck. I can’t even describe how insanely fucking dumb you drooling fuckheads are.

This incredible observation has been brought to you in part by the stupid mother fuckers that roam the streets daily, freely, without supervision or without leash. You dumb motherfuckers need to start keeping an eye on the assholes who are even dumber than you. They’re giving you a bad name you dumbasses. Do something about it.

As far as I’m concerned you dumb people should fucking die by gangrene, slowly watching your body rot and fall the fuck off. And because you’re so fucking dumb you won’t have enough fucking smarts to resolve the issue. Good fucking riddance, moron.

I’m part of the master race, I’d like to set down some ground rules for you lesser mortals:

• Firstly, don’t look at me. Eye contact is the first sign of desperation. If you really want to be smart enough to be part of our little group try doing the smart thing by not associating with me, asshole.
• Second, don’t talk to me. This is the same as the previous rule. Use your fucking brain here shithead, it’s not hard to understand that you’re fucked.
• Finally, do not imagine ever being part of our system. Face it, you’re retarded and nobody wants you around, give up and play on the interstate, Corky.

Do me a favor now, quit reading my blogs.  Then again, you probably won’t, you’re too fucking stupid to understand what fuck off means.

I for one am all for big-tittied bimbos in office…except for in this case.  What if Britney Spears ran for office?  I for one wouldn’t want to be anywhere on the same planet after she discovered the red phone.  “Oooooh pretty phone!”  Then she’d accidentally sing into it the nuke launch codes.  No sir, not I.

Just like with Obama, it will be the quickest assassination ever.  She’ll be giving her acceptance speech and just before she broke into her 2nd song, Molotov cocktails would fly, automatic rifle fire would follow and a whole swarm of angry protesters would take turns raping her to death.

Wow.  I feel better now that my fantasy is out of the way with.

If I were an astronaut, I’d take a runny shit in space…then I’d push another astronaut through it.  Hilarity would ensue.

I promised I’d write some more blogs, but I’m too fucking busy watching Season 2 of Dragnet and working a bit.  No, shut the fuck up, I’m not employed, but I do still work on some shit when I’m not blogging or ignoring life.

That having been said, I have a couple of confessions to make…beer and I had sex last week and we’re expecting a child.  If any of you have a problem with it I strongly suggest you spread your cheeks and make an open invite for my foot.  Beer and I are in love and we’re going to continue making babies until beer can’t pop out anymore of my offspring.

The second confession involves myself, all of you, and anal sex.  It’s been concluded in my studies that anal sex is 100% loved by everyone.  If you’re sitting still with concerned eyes thinking, “Anal is icky!” then pay very close attention, you’re about to be enlightened.

Ever sit down in the bathroom, dropping the deuce and relaxing?  I have too.  In fact, I shit so often I make many observations during the act, one of which I am bringing to you right now.  If you’re a person who doesn’t like anal, isn’t sure about anal or just plain homophobic, this blog is for you.

Take a shit, go on, do it, I’ll wait.  Now that you’ve released the demons, tell me how it felt.  If you haven’t noticed, take another shit.  During the bowel movement you’ll notice that the satisfactory feeling is EXACTLY the same as that of an orgasm…and when it’s all done, it feels about the same.

Don’t believe me?  Go have sex, then after sex take a personal note about how you felt right after climax.  Recognize anything?  Exactly the same after shitting.  Amazing!

All of that aside, it’s proof adding towards my observation that everyone loves anal.  Why would shitting feel so good and similar if it wasn’t the same?  Think about it, shitting IS anal.  Duh.  So next time you bitches complain about us men wanting to take a drive down the chocolate speedway, remember that it’s just like taking a shit…in reverse.