I promised I’d write some more blogs, but I’m too fucking busy watching Season 2 of Dragnet and working a bit.  No, shut the fuck up, I’m not employed, but I do still work on some shit when I’m not blogging or ignoring life.

That having been said, I have a couple of confessions to make…beer and I had sex last week and we’re expecting a child.  If any of you have a problem with it I strongly suggest you spread your cheeks and make an open invite for my foot.  Beer and I are in love and we’re going to continue making babies until beer can’t pop out anymore of my offspring.

The second confession involves myself, all of you, and anal sex.  It’s been concluded in my studies that anal sex is 100% loved by everyone.  If you’re sitting still with concerned eyes thinking, “Anal is icky!” then pay very close attention, you’re about to be enlightened.

Ever sit down in the bathroom, dropping the deuce and relaxing?  I have too.  In fact, I shit so often I make many observations during the act, one of which I am bringing to you right now.  If you’re a person who doesn’t like anal, isn’t sure about anal or just plain homophobic, this blog is for you.

Take a shit, go on, do it, I’ll wait.  Now that you’ve released the demons, tell me how it felt.  If you haven’t noticed, take another shit.  During the bowel movement you’ll notice that the satisfactory feeling is EXACTLY the same as that of an orgasm…and when it’s all done, it feels about the same.

Don’t believe me?  Go have sex, then after sex take a personal note about how you felt right after climax.  Recognize anything?  Exactly the same after shitting.  Amazing!

All of that aside, it’s proof adding towards my observation that everyone loves anal.  Why would shitting feel so good and similar if it wasn’t the same?  Think about it, shitting IS anal.  Duh.  So next time you bitches complain about us men wanting to take a drive down the chocolate speedway, remember that it’s just like taking a shit…in reverse.

As most of you know, my infant rifle fires more blanks than a Die Hard movie. What you don’t know is that I’m developing a new way of making babies. I call it anal sex. It still needs a lot of work and much more practice, but I’m sure it’ll work with time. Scientists frown upon it, as do most women. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give it a good attempt, right?

Let’s look at the facts here.

• Every child has been called a “little shit” at least once in their lives.
• Everyone, at some point, has been told they look like shit.
• Some days you may even express that you feel like shit.
• Getting shitfaced is a Saturday afternoon ritual.

Those are just some examples of how are person is closer to being analy born than scientists believe. There are many more situations where one can be a form of shit, but I think I’ve flooded your thought bank with enough for now.